The Garden of What Was and Was Not
The Autobiography of X
Book One
(as told to) David Stone
Copyright © 2008
ISBN 9780595439454
iUniverse
250 Pages
$16.95 Paperback
$15.25 Amazon

I came across David Stone’s book, The Garden of What Was and Was Not, on a random Amazon.com search one day.  I was immediately captured by the title and after reading the product description I decided to contact the author to see if he was willing to send a copy for me to review.  Mr. Stone gladly agreed and I had a copy of the book in the mail in just a few weeks.  I think what caught my curiosity the most was the subtitle: The Autobiography of X. I immediately considered Malcolm X, but the cover of the book doesn’t indicate that this book might be about him, and indeed it’s far from it.  The Garden of What Was and Was Not is actually a fictional autobiography of a man named Peter McCarthy, as if he is telling his life story to the author. It begins in the 60s, but don’t think this is a nostalgic walk down memory lane for a baby boomer reminiscing about the Beatles, Vietnam, Elvis, drugs, peace, and all the hippie culture that today’s generation is left only to read about in the back of their history books.

That X in the subtitle is almost like a “fill in the blank” for anyone who may have grown up in that era, but not really been a part of the bigger picture.  Maybe you never got to see the Beatles or Elvis in concert, but their music was still the soundtrack to your weekends.  Maybe you didn’t go off to war, but you feared the draft and you lost friends who did go.  Maybe you didn’t smoke pot, but you breezed through a party and its pungent smell pierced your nostrils and you knew immediately what it was. You didn’t get arrested at a peace rally, but you picketed and chanted right along with the rebellious ones safely in front of the black and white television in your living room. You may not have been a part of that history, but it was a part of you.

My generation may still not be convinced or even entertained by the tales of some “old man”, but David Stone’s book does pan forward to 2003, just two years after 9/11 when Peter recounts “where he was” on that day we all remember.  Now ask yourself if you were in New York when the first plane hit the first tower?  I wasn’t.  But I do know where I was; I will never forget.  Peter even says in the story, “Of course, my story’s nothing special. There were thousands more dramatic. I exercised no acts of heroism or extreme endurance. I escaped to midtown just before the first building was crushed, going ahead with what was intended to be my normal business for the day, and never experienced the swelling walls of dust and death that roared up the canyons as the towers fell.”  Those of us not in New York, those of across the rest of the country experienced it in our living rooms, right in front of the television where our parents saw JFK get shot or heard Martin Luther King’s infamous speech.

Now, David Stone’s book is not about experiencing history through the boob tube.  What it is about is the life we live while history is being made around us.  Peter McCarthy’s life isn’t special.  It isn’t a dramatic biography just eager to be flashed on the big screen, but it is his. He spends most of the book reminiscing about his friends and girlfriends, and various jobs he landed by beefing up his resume after dropping out of high school.  What gives the book its essence is the way the author, or Peter’s own voice, has presented it.  There are pieces like this:

In America, the social landslide began to move like and iceberg accelerating as the ground below turned to grease. Things lost certainty. Change felt inevitable. A wave hovered, throwing an intense shadow, ready to crash over everything on the human shore.

or this…

One of our most pervasive and persistent illusions suggest that there is some sort of separation in time, as if we’re somehow distanced from the past. This capacity, the ability to see life as an ongoing procession measured in uniform distances, evolved because our brains lack the capacity for managing more than a moment or two at once, especially when the moments are not uniform.

Just when you think McCarthy is about to drop into a political or scientific rant, he brings us back to reality with Peter, to scenes so innocent and haunting as falling asleep while overhearing Peter’s girlfriend having sex with his best friend in the bathroom. Much of the book takes place in the 60s and 70s.  The sub-subtitle “Book One” suggests that maybe we’ll see more of Peter later on. Having just read John Knowles’ A Separate Peace for the first time  week’s before beginning Stone’s book, I appreciated the “coming-of-age” quality that Stone’s book presented in a more recent generation that I knew more about than Knowles 1940s tale of young boys away at school during war.

And while the historical headlines wallpaper the backdrop to Peter McCarthy’s life, it is the real life everyday actions of his teenage and young adult years that push the story forward.  The first paragraphs of the story put the reader in a specific place in history (the assassination of JFK), but then we are walking down an old country road with Peter and his friend as they wander around in the early hours of morning past curfew.  They are the moments in our lives that we wish would never end, that we don’t consider being historical, but Stone embraces them and reminds his reader that those moments will undoubtedly slip away from us all.

Being a white male in my thirties, growing up in a blue-collar family in the 80s and 90s, had I read Stone’s book ten years ago I would have probably been bored to tears.  But someone once said the universe picks what book you read, why and when. As I approach middle age and look back, Stone’s book couldn’t have come at a better time for me.  Baby boomers might shed some tears as you walk in the garden with Peter, but this is a book for anyone who found themselves just going through the motions of life, only to discover life is what happened when you were too busy just going through the motions.  David Stone, thank you for the wake up call!

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It was not intentional that this month both books I reviewed were centered around a specific object and the consequences that the said object has on the characters involved in the story.  A few weeks ago I reviewed Billy Young’s Bublos about a mysterious scroll from the Bible and the devastating effects it could have on human kind. This week, it’s Todd Cheney’s The Bracelet.  The Bracelet is about the consequences just one man faces after a magic bracelet comes into his possession.

Cheney’s book reminded me of a short story I wrote in grade school which was about me and all of my friends meeting a wizard in a castle in the sky and each getting endless wishes and in the end getting everything we wanted.  For someone of grade school age, such a possibility could be amazing.  We wished for toys, ice cream, puppies, and life size matchbox cars in my story.  I laugh at myself now as I recall that silly story.  As an adult today if I was given endless wishes, my list of wants would be much different.

I loved The Bracelet because the concept behind it is very very simple, and even child-like to an extent, but the author stretches it and makes the reader and his lead character contemplate all consequences of having such power.  It sounds so good that it’s almost like a chain email that would be forwarded around the office or a question posed on Facebook: “If you were given a magic bracelet that could grant you one wish a day, what would you wish for?”

That’s exactly what happens to Mike Alex, a small town “everyday” mechanic who is a victim of routine until one day when a mysterious package is delivered to his front door.  It’s a bracelet that can grant him one wish a day. It’s frightening at first, but curiosity eventually gets the best of him.  But unlike many who might already have a laundry list of things they’d wish for, Mike does try to carefully consider what to wish for, but like anyone, is ultimately unable to predict what the repercussions of his daily wishes may be. Some are good, and yes, some are bad.

While the old words of wisdom, “Be careful what you wish for,” immediately came to mind, for me this book also served as a metaphor for the old adage that says, “You can’t take it back.”  We should make decisions wisely and choose our actions carefully, but in the end, we have to accept the fact that we can’t change them -  good or bad.  We can forgive.  We can forget.  But the scar is there.  We can’t take it back.

There are religious tones to the book.  Mike even says, “He could be God if he wished it,” and if God allowed such a thing as the bracelet to exist than it must be part of his ultimate design.  So, should Mike use it for selfish purposes, or to help others?  Either way, there are always consequences, even when Mike uses it just once to do something bad out of anger.  There’s a passage near the end of the book that stood out that pretty much summed up the entire theme for me:

The thought that he could cure cancer, or AIDS, or end poverty with a simple command sometimes made him feel so lucky he could cry.  But whenever these ideas were rolling around in his head, Lucy’s words were rattling around in there too. Now that her warning made sense, he could only heed it.  And he made himself another promise, one that was less formal and perhaps less meaningful, but one that he had to make anyway.  He didn’t say it out loud this time, but kept it inside, because it seemed like too much to risk calling it to the world’s attention.

I received a hard copy of this book to review.  At 342 pages, the book is a bit thick for a paperback but formatted nicely, and put together quite well for the most part thanks to CreateSpace.  The simple cover is a bit too simple, especially since the majority of it is black.  It would probably be lost on a bookstore shelf since it lacks impact. There’s also quite a bit of wasted space on the back where I would like to see an author bio or blurbs from readers.  On the spine, the title is too small in comparison to the author’s name.

The front matter of the body is almost non-existent.  There is only a title page with a small mention of a copyright at the bottom.  Turn the page and Chapter 1 starts on the back. The body of the text is formatted properly though although the margins are a bit wide.  If decreased in size, the page count and the list price might both come down a bit. I only point out the poor physicality of the book because the story itself was quite brilliant and deserves better.

And remember what I said about Facebook?  I decided to post that question  just to see how people would respond.  While one person said they’d wish for their pet to live longer, most responses were humorous.  It is Facebook after all.  One person said they’d wish the bracelet didn’t get taken away that day.  Another wished that all junk food was fat free. A few wished for good health for their family and friends.  World Peace, and yes Tess, that does sound Miss America. Another would wish to erase some of their past.  In the end, despite the humor and jest, most people’s wishes were not selfish. So, what would you wish for?

For those who have read William P. Young’s The Shack, you will definitely enjoy The Bracelet.  It is about right and wrong, free will, the power of choice, and how ultimately in the end, though we make struggle with decision, the power we hold inside ourselves and over our own lives is the greatest of all, and sometimes not always ours to control.

Thank you, Todd W. Cheney, for giving us The Bracelet.

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Kanapolis Fog Publishing Emporium (October 2009)
$ 5.95 Paperback
$ 1.99 eBook
146 pages

Reviewed by Linda Welch, author of Along Came a Demon and The Demon Hunters

When Henry watches news of a coup in the small territory of Jartanzia and sees (what could be) the picture of a hedgehog, he knows the end is near. He dispassionately murders his mother and takes off for a secret rendezvous. After all, when the world as we know it is in ruins, she’ll be dead anyway, because when the dust settles only members of the Underground Hedgehog Revolution Network will survive. Via their website, Henry—a member for 15 years—has been providing information to the Grand Hedgehog. He’s pretty sure he’ll get a Captaincy, or even governorship of one of the new states.

So begins Elmore Hammes’ Not Fit For Human Consumption, with a cast of fully-fleshed-out characters, each with their own story and personal agenda, in some way involved in the fate of life as we know it on good old planet Earth.

We meet Henry again as he flies to his destination and follow his obsession with a beautiful fellow passenger as he becomes convinced she is his soul-mate. I enjoyed Henry’s imagination as he endows her with glowing attributes and schemes to meet her. Unbelievably, his plan actually works, and I waited for him to tell her about the Hedgehog Network and ruin his chances. But that conclusion would be obvious, and Hammes does not do “obvious.”

Hammes calls his book a comedic farce, and it is indeed funny; but farce is often associated with the superficial, while the human characters engage you and have depth. I can’t say the non-humans have quite the same depth, but it’s a close thing. They do have history and personality, which makes them real, and not as far down the food chain as we like to think.

Mr. Jamison is a dedicated teacher of 25 years, musing on his life past and present and trying to figure out what motivates his students. Alice mourns her dead husband, but discovers she was not the only woman in his life. Morgan Stanwyck is a survivalist who knows something bad is coming.

Some are bystanders dragged in from the sidelines. You won’t want to miss the fate of t-shirt guy.

Then there is the ironic tale of young Brandon and Jacob, who concoct and implement a plan to convince two girls that the world is coming to an end and they must go into the family’s shelter (built by Dad for when the clock struck 2000 and everything would stop working) They just want to get laid. The irony is, the story the boys tell is not far-fetched.

Peter the cockroach calls his fellow roaches together to tell them they should rule the world. Unfortunately, only Sarah joins him in his quest for world domination, and that’s because she fancies him. Loretta the rabbit escapes her cage and forms an unlikely friendship with Mittens the cat. Lazarus the super-rat was abandoned in a laboratory.

And Arax the Annihilator, who is NOT a nice guy. Arax comes to Earth from another dimension with one objective, to destroy our world. Nothing can stand against him. Or so it seems.

This is well-written, well-crafted storytelling, a really fun read with a clever finale. Believe me, when you finish this book, cockroaches with aspirations will not seem bizarre. Read it. You won’t be disappointed.

Preview Not Fit For Human Consumption

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Sixteen is a pivotal age, stranded between childhood and adulthood. At sixteen life ranges from ecstasy to despair and the cause of the emotion can be trivial or momentous. I remember wanting to be taken seriously, to be treated more as an adult than a child. To be free to make my own decisions for the course of my life. But of course, along with the freedom of decision, comes responsibility and consequences for those choices.

In Katherine Marple’s novel, Okay, the sixteen-year-old unnamed female protagonist makes choices which swiftly alter the course of her life, and takes her best friend, and protector, London with her. After setting up the pair as best friends, living in the same neighborhood, in the same style homes, the differences are revealed. London has a loving, supportive family to come home to, while the protagonist fears her alcoholic, abusive father. Coming home late from a graduation party with London, the protagonist attempts to sneak into the house avoiding her father’s wrath, unsuccessfully. When he has beaten and choked her, and threatened her with more abuse and potential rape, the protagonist runs to her best friend to enlist his help.

“Please,” I begged. “Let’s go now.”
He solemnly nodded his head, stroked my hair, and whispered, “Okay.”

Having convinced London to abandon his loving home, his college career, and essentially his future to run away with her, the protagonist wastes no time in making bad decision after bad decision along the way. Drugs, alcohol, and sex with relative strangers, and all the while London is there to pick up the pieces. The protagonist is on a roller coaster of emotion from the freedom of living a life she has never known before to the despair over some of the choices she has made.

Marple presents a strong, clear point of view with her unnamed protagonist, and while I found the pacing to be a little quick, lacking in emotional depth with the heavy topics the book covers, the voice is unwavering and draws the reader along. For the bulk of the book, the lack of a name for the main character was not an issue, but a few times felt a bit gimmicky. The narrator herself explains the lack of name.

My name isn’t important. What is important is helping someone hope for a better view, at the end of his pain. That is the purpose of my story; to help someone heal.

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Copyright © 2009
Riverbend Publishing
$14.00 paperback
ISBN: 978-1606390139

One of the things I enjoy most about the independent author scene is the fluidty of the background in which we work. The process can be dynamic and it is fun to watch some of the iterations that books go through. For example, a book may be released under a one cover and then the author receives some feedback which sparks another idea, and shortly thereafter the cover has been changed. Or based upon reader feedback, the author may subtly change the focus or emphasis of a book. And there are the triumphs as well. Back in August the LL Book Review posted reviews of the winners of our review contest, and there was one conspicuous entry missing. Six-Hundred Hours of a Life by Craig Lancaster was reviewed and should have been the third review posted in August, however, we were contacted by Craig and requested to hold back the review as he had some very exciting news. Six-Hundred Hours of a Life had been picked up by a small publisher, Riverbend Publishing, who specializes in books about Montana, and Craig was in the process of working out the details with his new publisher. We were very excited and pleased for Craig and held back the review as per the wishes of the author. The book has now been released under Riverbend Publishing under the title of 600 Hours of Edward and we are able to publish the review of this fine book. One item of personal preference before jumping into the review. The new cover created for the title under Riverbend Publishing is pictured at the top of the review, but I prefer the original cover (right) which was created for Six-Hundered Hours of a Life.

What would life be like if you were a 39 year old man plagued with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and Asperger’s Disorder? What would happen if your routines were upset and suddenly life seemed to be spiraling out of control? 600 Hours of Edward takes you into the heart and mind of Edward Stanton, and through 600 hundred hours, or 25 days, of life with Edward. As a prelude to the story, Edward sets up the framework for why the book was written, which I have included in Edward’s own words, so the intention can not be misconstrued. Edward would prefer it.

     This is a story of how my life changed. That is what one could call a dramatic statement. It‘s like when people find God; they say, “I found God, and it changed my life.” I did not find God. I am dubious that anyone can. When someone says he has found God, he doesn‘t mean it in the way that one would say he found a penny or something else tangible. He is talking about inner peace or something like that, I suppose. I don‘t know. I haven‘t found God, and I don‘t like supposition. I prefer facts.

     Even without God, my life did change, and Dr. Buckley suggested that I write about it. She said that writing about it would be a good project for me and one that might even help me understand how it happened and why. Dr. Buckley is a very logical woman, and I always need a new project.

     In looking back, I can fit what happened into 25 days, or 600 hours. I prefer to think of it in terms of hours, as I live my life more by a clock than a calendar. I will tell it as it happened, from where I viewed it. Others may have seen it another way. They can tell their own stories if they want to.

     I‘ll start with the last day that everything was normal, or what I believed normal to be. That‘s the problem with belief: If you rely on it too heavily, you have a lot of picking up to do after you find out you were wrong. I prefer facts.

Edward Stanton has his days rigidly mapped out, with several rituals to complete as milestones throughout the day. Every morning upon waking, he must record the hour and minute of his waking, and then later, after retrieving the Billings Gazette, the actual temperatures from the previous day, as well as looking at the forecast which is not to be trusted, because Edward prefers facts. He breakfasts on corn flakes while reading the newspaper, frustrated by the way certain features, such as Dear Abby, appear in different sections of the paper and have no pattern as to where they will appear.

Edward is frequently frustrated by the rest of the world’s inability to keep to a precise schedule, and lack of consistency. When he becomes frustrated he writes letters of complaint. Prior to what is referred to as the Garth Brooks incident, Edward would draft his letters of complaint and send them out. At the culmination of the Garth Brooks incident, Edward’s father, Ted Stanton, bought him the house he now lives in after persuading Garth Brooks to drop the restraining order against Edward.

I think that my letters of complaint to Garth Brooks were entirely justified. If you look objectively at country music, you cannot come to any conclusion other than he ruined it. He also ruined a lot of pop music, especially when he pretended to be that Chris Gaines person and when he covered that song by Kiss. I merely wrote to him and let him know about the damage he was doing, because I thought that maybe he didn‘t know and would stop if he did. I had to write to him 49 times before he wrote back, but it wasn‘t really him. It was his lawyer.

Being a lover of country music myself, I laughed out loud about the Garth incident, and I have to agree with Edward on the whole Chris Gaines thing. Since the Garth Brooks incident Edward’s therapist, Dr. Buckley, convinces him to continue writing his letters of complaint, but to file them instead of sending them. In this way, he is able to alleviate some of his frustration with whatever incident caused his ire, and yet not bring himself any grief from repercussions. So the writing of complaint letters has become part of Edward’s ritual to follow his nightly viewing of Dragnet episodes (just the color ones between 1967 and 1970). In 2000, Edward recorded all of the episodes, in order, on videocassette, and watches one episode a night at 10:00 p.m. sharp, starting on January 1st with the first color episode and continuing throughout the year. They are all one of his favorites. Edward identifies with Sergeant Joe Friday’s love for the facts and his detachment from those he is dealing with.

Taking a leaf out of Edward’s book, I would like to document a complaint, albeit a minor one.

Dear Edward,

I’m sure you have your reasons for telling the reader each time you recorded your waking time during the course of the book that it was the XXX day of the year (287th – 311th) because it is leap year. While this repetition is entirely consistent with your character and I understand you gain some comfort from the repetition, I didn’t know if you were aware that for some readers, this tends to be a little monotonous. I realize you are chronicling the 600 hours where your life was turned upside down, but there are mundane parts which have been left out. Perhaps you should trust that the reader will know that it is leap year after the tenth or so iteration, and no longer need to tell us.

Respectfully, as always,

Your Reader

During the 600 hours chronicled in this book, Edward makes a foray into online dating, makes friends with a nine year old boy while painting his garage (three times because the unhelpful clerk at Home Depot couldn’t help him come to a single selection, which triggered a letter of complaint), later becomes friends with the boy’s mother, and feels helpless as his relationship with his father deteriorates. Due to the Asperger’s, Edward lives an isolationist life, so to actually take steps to reach out to connect with another human being through the online dating process represents a huge step forward for him. Through his growing relationship with Kyle, the nine year old boy, we are given a glimpse of Edward’s social developmental level as well, which is on par with Kyle or even a little lagging. I fell in love with the character of Edward though because while he has quirks in his view seemingly the rest of the entire world lives without, he tries so very hard to overcome those, and he has a good heart. Edward is truly an endearing character. He is simply confused, or to use one of Edward’s favorite words, flummoxed, by social interaction conventions, and has never had any practice with them.

In my own personal life, I am very familiar with the traits and symptoms of someone with OCD, as I have a brother-in-law who is afflicted with this disorder. Edward’s ritualistic behavior with recording his time of awakening, the weather, watching Dragnet precisely at 10:00 p.m. each night, eating the same foods week in and week out, are all very recognizable as traits of OCD. Lancaster touches very lightly on the fears which are associated with a break in these routines, and does not allow us into the twisted rabbit warren of rationale which is entailed in the compulsions. The obsession with Dragnet is well portrayed. It started around the same time Edward was forced to leave home and live on his own. Sergeant Joe Friday, with his non-emotional (normally) delivery and liking for the facts, is someone with whom Edward can gain a measure of comfort. Edward feels Sergeant Joe Friday would be more patient with him, and listen to the facts of the issues at hand, than his father, who increasingly communicates with Edward through a lawyer. The greater the divide with his father, the more Edward replaces him with the surrogate, Sergeant Joe Friday.

My familiarity with Asperger’s was limited to the character of Jerry on the TV show Boston Legal, so I took the opportunity to educate myself as to this disorder after reading 600 Hours of Edward. I was very interested to find that Asperger’s is actually a mild form of the Autistic Disorder, and here in the United States is classified as Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). As I read the diagnostic criteria for Asperger’s, I marveled anew at how beautifully Lancaster penned the character of Edward. The characteristics of Asperger’s were clearly evident, but subtly drawn so as not to get in the way of the story itself. It is humorous to look back upon a scene where Ted Stanton rushes in to save Edward, and is telling someone Edward has OCD. As Edward hears this, he thinks:

This shows what my father knows. The full story is that I‘m obsessive-compulsive and that I have Asperger syndrome.

After reading up on Asperger’s I realized how clearly evident this fact is and again paid homage to Lancaster’s pen. I could go on and on about all of the really fine points of this book, to the point where I might rival the 80,000 words of the novel itself. The bottom line is this is a book which should be experienced. It is a wonderful read, and since this is his debut novel, I eagerly await Craig Lancaster’s next offering. It’s time for you to pick up 600 Hours of Edward. What are you waiting for?

Preview 600 Hours of Edward on Craig’s Blog

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You may be wondering why I’ve listed a “by” and “written by” above in this book’s information. It’s actually quite clever. The Electric Adventures of Alvin, Part Two is actually a “real time” blog novel. And no, it’s not a sequel.  Not a “real” sequel anyway.  But the real author behind the idea is Kevin McDermott.  Confused?  Don’t be!

This is a book about a book, and the the author in the book is Adam Schakowski.  Adam wrote a book called The Electric Adventures of Alvin. The very beginning of the book is Adam addressing the reader directly, and he introduces himself like this…

If you’re reading this, you already know who I am. That is, you know who I’ve said I am. My real name isn’t Alvin, of course, but I don’t consider that to have been a lie. You knew it was a pseudonym, right? I mean, that part was obvious, wasn’t it? I don’t know anything at all about you (other than the fact that you’ve bought this book, which indicates to me that you really need a hobby), and you already know way more about me than any stranger should. But I’m going to tell you more anyway: My real name is Adam Schakowski. I am writing to update you, reader, on events that have occurred since the publication of my  best-selling novel The Electric Adventures of Alvin, which has ruined my life.

So, Kevin (the real life author behind all this) has created a fictitious author who wrote a book that turned into an overnight sensation and also messed up his life.  The fictitious author, Adam, has now written “Part 2″ to tell you how it all happened.  It’s quite genius really because while the author character in the book is assuming you already know his story, he’s now filling you in on how the story happened. It’s as if you sat down one morning to read the daily newspaper, and the reporter of the front page headline is waiting there to tell you how he researched the article you are just about to read.  But take away the paper before you had a chance to read it, and now all you have left is to listen to the journalist as he tells you how it all plays out instead.

In the actual book, Adam’s bestselling book is a trashy erotic thriller about internet sex that has exploded onto the bestselling charts, has all the critics raving, and is even causing political upheaval. At the persuasion of the “perverts at the New York Times,” Adam’s wife is about to read the book and Adam is afraid all hell is about to break loose. The reason is because Adam never told his wife that he’s the author.  He wrote it under a pen name, but he knows his wife will probably recognize him from what she’s about to read.

Now, since this actual book is about a book about online sex, McDermott presents the story in a very unique way.  The book itself is divided into sections which are actually Adam’s blog posts, saved chat sessions, interviews with reporters, and files from his computer’s hard drive.  The section headings even look like computer drive locations with file names.  Here’s an example that offers an explanation from Adam about why the book is arranged this way:

c:/mycomptuer/notes/martiansummer
Beth and I share this computer, an early-model IBM with a flickering screen and a “J’’-key that sticks. I’ve taken as many precautions as I reasonably can to ensure that she doesn’t come across what you’re reading right now. I break up all my writing and notes into small, separate files, and I mix them up with other files from my research – chats, blogs, emails, newspaper website articles, Wikipedia entries, passages from the Bible – and I scatter them throughout the computer’s hard drive like rice at a wedding. I give them titles  designed to minimize the possibility that she will open them. This file,  for example, is not (obviously) part of a story about a group of astronauts who land on Mars and discover proof of the non-existence of God, but that’s what I’ve led Beth to believe it is.

At first, I thought the organization of the book made it hard to follow, but once I grasped the concept behind the idea, I was able to look past the section headings and follow the book perfectly. It’s very obvious that Kevin had a lot of fun writing as Adam and pulling Adam’s story together in this book in such a unique way. He literally has Adam telling you the story play by play and uses Adam’s computer to do it.  Once you’ve grasped the concept that Adam is just the protagonist, and if you put yourself into the story as if you were watching it play out in actual blogs or chatrooms, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this read.  Oh yeah, and did I mention there’s sex?

Adam exposes all as he tells the reader what inspired him to write the trashy novel in the first place.  (Think E’s True Hollywood Story!) He had a crush on a Catholic school teacher.  He had a steamy and bizarre relationship in college with his wife, and with her nympho roommate. And then there’s those faceless avatars online whose hands were sometimes too busy to type!

I’d love to see Mr. McDermott eventually release “the book” which inspired his lead character Adam to write “Part 2.”  But even if he doesn’t, The Electric Adventures of Alvin, Part Two is quite a ride that indie authors, bloggers, and chatters will all admire and appreciate.  So, if you aren’t too busy Facebooking, Twittering, or MySpacing, pick up this book and give it a try! It’s absolutely brilliant!!

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I was excited to receive a hard copy of Richard Garfinkle’s Exaltations in the mail to read and review because it is the first hard cover book I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing produced from Lulu.  The physical quality of this book is outstanding so I’d like to share a few of my own photos of it for other authors who might be considering a hardcover edition of their own work.

The cover art itself is some of the best I’ve seen for a self-published work: a current century man in the company of some historical characters that seem to be coming to life out of a mosaic.  The book’s dust jacket is a fine glossy stock despite that infamous white line at the bottom that I myself had trouble with last year, and the lack of use of space on the book’s spine.  The author and book name on the spine are tiny.  But the inside flaps are flawless and include a color photo of the author along with the publisher’s imprint and a few illustrations. Removing the jacket reveals a nicely bound black book with the author’s name and the book title embossed in gold on the spine. Such detail and quality must come with a price tag though.  The book is listed at $40.80!

The story itself follows Peter Refton who is a “hunter of human lives.”  But Peter is not a killer.  He’s a biographer and somewhat of a time traveler as he journeys to different worlds in history and literally collects the life stories of several lesser known people who might have been responsible for shaping our history books.  There’s the brave knight of reformed Charlemagne’s army, a wise man who was responsible for China’s expansion and control, a lovely sorceress, and twin warriors.

The storyline is a maddening twist of Stephen King’s The Drawing of the Three and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.  When the tables are turned and it’s Peter’s life story that becomes the huntee, he uses his character collection to help him defeat what is known as the “Quest.” Although I’m not a big fan of reading fantasy, Garfinkle shapes a plot that is definitely worthy of the handiwork that went into putting such a beautiful book together.  He doesn’t clutter the story itself with too many minor details that end up making many stories of this genre top 500 pages.  His words are very tight and precise and push the story to its limits almost as fast as his main character moves through time…

The Story had promised them all knowledge, but he did not have all knowledge to give. The lies of the story echoed throughout the far-flung group Quest had tried to snare. They all head and knew that a voice was speaking deception to them. They would hear it and know it as a faithless spirit.

Although the book suffers from the same mistakes that haunt many self published books such as spelling, spacing, and phrasing, there is one detail to the body of text that I found distracting.  The book is divided into traditional chapters but then the chapters are also divided into various passages.  Several passages throughout the whole book are introduced with headings like [ACCEPTANCE] or [REJECTION] or [ACCEPTANCE AND REJECTION].  To me, they made me think I was actually reading a biography manuscript and that these were editor’s notes.  They served no real purpose to the story itself for me and only took up space.

With a good polish and tightening the body of the book, I think Richard Garfinkle would have a real winner with Exaltations.  Of course, there is also that heavy price tag to consider which is why I’m giving one lucky reader out there the chance to get a free copy.  If you’d like my hardcover edition of of this book, post a comment on this review.  One lucky person will be picked at random.  The winner will be announced August 31st.  U.S. Residents only.

Read the first chapter of Exaltations here!

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Reviewed by Phoenix, the miniature long-haired dachshund princess of LK Gardner-Griffie, author of YA novel, Misfit McCabe.

I am so excited because this is the first book review that I get to write. Finally a chance to put my paw to something worthwhile. This opportunity came about because a German Shepherd, Celina Star published a book called, How To Become a Mail Carrier Puppy and Mama said that I would have the opportunity to do the review, since both the author and I are German canines. I have been taking careful notes along the way as I watch my Mama read and review other books, and I know that I’m ready for this challenge.

How To Become a Mail Carrier Puppy is the second book by Celina Star, the first being a little longer piece called Paw Prints on the Road which is full of travels around the world. In the prologue to Paw Prints on the Road there is an explanation given regarding the editing of the work, or to be more accurate, lack of editing.

The Reader might like to know why this book was never edited. I do believe that my true inner feelings; my thoughts which come into my mind and all my emotions at the time of writing should be represented and voiced in this little book. No one can take your words of your heart and make them better.
No correct English, grammar, pronunciation can equal what a heart is telling you to write down on a little white piece of paper and transform it into a book of thoughts and joy.

Phoenix Reading

How To Become a Mail Carrier Puppy is a book that made me smile as I read it. The pictures are cheerful and illustrate the action in the story quite well. The writing was very tongue in cheek and made me chuckle behind my paw at times. For example, when filling out the application to become a mail carrier puppy, Celina had the following to say:

When the question came about “RACE”, I wrote down: “FAST”. I was a little confused about the question of being a Caucasian, African American, or Asian. Being of tan, brown and black color, and having a white star on my chest, and…. I can narrow my eyes to make them slanted, I wrote down : “a little bit of everything”.

I especially like how this pokes fun at the human propensity to define people. Like it matters what ethnicity people are. We judge others by where they’ve been and who they’ve been associating with, and, yes, that is the reason we sniff each other. Of course, I shouldn’t be quite so harsh, people are not dogs and just don’t know any better.

Actually, the puppy in the book reminded me very much of my own puppy, Elsa. Especially when she helped the elderly lady with the walker slowly slide down to the ground so she could read her letter. I would send Elsa off to become a mail carrier puppy, but I don’t think she’s tall enough to reach to post boxes. It sure would enhance my nap time if she were to go off to work every day to deliver mail, and come home all tired out. Maybe she wouldn’t try to wrestle with me so much.

I was happy to see Celina include some photos, especially the one with her stuffed canine double. I also have a stuffed dachshund double, but it is fatter than I am (I am really quite petite). Celina’s smile is very nice, don’t you think.

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Reviewed by Dan Marvin

Once in awhile, I like to take a step back from police thrillers and horror novels and read something that challenges me to learn and grow as a person.  The Chitta Niyama Opportunity by A.R. Haslam definitely fits that description.  The author does a good job of summing it up in the book’s description on the lulu site:

This book will take a special type of willingness to fully appreciate its riches. Readers should be prepared to open their minds to new possibilities

A.R. Haslam is an English author who has spent a lifetime pursuing studies in Engineering, Philosophy, and Religion.  He is also a student, follower, and teacher of Buddhism.  All of these interests are delightfully blended into this book as we follow the paths of 7 primary characters poised to intersect at the end.

In Haslam’s work, the characters are all searching for meaning.  Some of them are searching for the meaning of life, others for the meaning of their lives.  We discover as we go that the two searches are really not so different.  He uses the dialogue between his characters to explore the complex ideas and philosophies with which he is intimately familiar.

We are introduced to Penny, the newly pregnant flower-child who is exploring a new relationship with Toby, the computer programmer with an interest in physics.  Their dialogue is the backdrop for discussions on the search for unifying theories but is also a growing love story which is fun to explore as they do.  Haslam’s writing has the English charm I thoroughly enjoy which is obvious in this description of their second date:

Toby glances over to see if Penny has managed to secure the corner table. She’s tidying up the remnants of crisp packets, dirty glasses and empty bottles that have been left scattered around the table by its last occupants. He catches himself eyeing her up as if he’s seeing her for the first time. She is quite a find – good looking,
beautiful hair, great figure. Smart too, though not threateningly so.

Next up is Professor Julius Hardwicke, a professor of Philosophy whose lectures are the backdrop for in-depth discussions of Schopenhauer and other philosophers.  His story thread shows him as an expert on his subject matter, but something of a simpleton in matters of inter-personal relationships.  His sister is Sarah, a patient undergoing regression therapy to deal with her destructive relationships.  Her awakening self awareness sets off the chain reaction that sends us towards the book’s conclusion.

Sarah opens the door and steps into Dr Hodgson’s consulting room. He’s seated at his desk with his head down, writing up his notes from his last client, his crinkly brown hair stretched back loosely into a pony tail that cascades down in a sprawl over his right shoulder. How young and handsome he is. Tall and slim, with a fresh face and
broad shoulders, he still reminds her more of a pop singer than a therapist. She melts into his presence as effortlessly as butter on hot croissants.

Richard Easton is a central thread.  A recently out gay artist, Richard has forsaken religion and grapples with his own search for meaning through his sensuous art.  Now in his 40′s, we meet Richard as he is wheeled into the hospital with the possibility of cancer looming over his life.  We also meet his partner Justin and his daughter Emily.  Of significant impact to the story is Richard’s ex-wife Sophie, the Buddhist bus driver who opens up the Buddhist faith to us as she goes through the rituals and then brings them with her when she visits the hospital.  It is through Sophie that Richard is given his Chitta Niyama Opportunity.

Other characters include Penny’s parents who explore the ideas of energy fields that direct the development of life and take their dog for a lively walk along the Thames.  It is this intermingling of the ‘normal’ and the ‘cerebral’ that make Haslam’s book such a delightful read.  You can tell that he is truly a master of the information his characters discuss and reflect.  Some of the themes of the book are challenging.  Excerpts like these are interspersed with the development of the characters:

Pure awareness cannot die, for it has never been born. It manifests and then ceases to manifest; the power to manifest is not affected by bodies ceasing to exist; bodies are empowered with awareness and appear to live independently; but at some point the awareness draws back into itself, into domains beyond the appearance of physical form  (Quote from Sophie during Tonglen meditation)

Halfway through the book, I was still wondering how these diverse characters could overlap and I was impressed by how Haslam was able to neatly bring them together. When we are finally given the strings to solve the puzzle, we understand the prelude that we read to start the book.  Through their eyes, we are given a working understanding of many current religious, philosophical, artistic and scientific explanations for why we are here and what it all means.  I personally enjoyed Haslam’s ability to make these sometimes contradictory answers peacefully coexist.

The Chitta Niyama Opportunity is a highly polished and finished book.  The pictographs on the cover put you in the right mindset to enjoy the story.  Other artistic touches inside add to the experience.  The writing is literate, intelligent, and A.R. Haslam is a good story teller in addition to being very well educated.  You’ll quickly get absorbed in the characters and find that the information he is including adds to your enjoyment of them instead of detracting.  I recommend it the next time you’re looking to challenge yourself to grow and learn.

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Bathroom duty has been the subject of many books, mostly targeted toward children.  Some of my favorites are The Gas We Pass and Everyone Poops.  But just search the word “poop” at Amazon and you’ll find books for adults as well.  Dan Marvin’s book, Briefs for the Reading Room, is one such book, but don’t worry.  It’s not about what’s in the bowl, but instead is a book designed to give you something to read while waiting for the end result.

In Dan’s introduction, he jokes that we probably spend about 14 years of our life in the bathroom.  I tried Googling that theory to see how close to the truth he might be.  The first answer I found to my question of how long do we actually spend on the toilet was “Depends if the book I’m reading is a good one.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  And at long last, an author has created a book of “micro-novels” specifically designed to make better use of the time we spend on the throne or “in the library.”

As Dan puts it, “I jump right to the good part, wrap it up in a hurry, and let you get on with your life.” Each story is indeed only 1 or 2 pages long, so you can get through several in…ahem…one sitting.  There’s no character development, no plot set up, no pages and pages of setting, description, or flashbacks to mull over or flip through.  If you like flash fiction, it doesn’t get any flashier than this!  I’ve never tried to write flash fiction myself, but have often read it (some good and some bad).  I know it’s all about size (often less than 200 words) and content (you try telling a good story in 200 words or less).  And I also know Dan Marvin is a genius at it.

There are over 100 tiny tales to get you through some “difficult times.”  Dan’s subject matter ranges from fantasy, to courtroom drama, to mystery, to children’s themes, to just good ole thought provoking fiction.  After about the first 20 stories, I found myself going back and rereading them to figure out if I had missed anything.  I wanted more.  Indeed, in less than a page I was completely engrossed in the character and wanted more from them.  But again and again, I was expecting too much.  Be warned!  Many of the stories will “just be getting good” when they suddenly come to an end, leaving you to wonder what the heck happened.  But that’s the beauty of a book like this; the author wants you to think about each story long after you finished it.  Dan has done a superb job of keeping the stories concise and detailed enough for you to draw your own conclusions.  There is not a single word wasted!

One of my favorites is called “A Victim of Circumstance” in which a quirky Private Eye receives a note from his secretary that something is about to fall on him.  He’s such a good Private Eye that he ponders the note a little bit too much:

I studied the message Lila had given me. It was printed on a “Here’s your Message” Post It note, the kind that one comes off the top and it sticks to stuff but not too tight because you will want to throw it out eventually. You know the type. It looked familiar, much like the paper Lila usually uses to give me messages. That was it! It was a message from Lila, the kind I usually got! Now we were getting somewhere. That’s where you are arriving at a place different from where you were earlier.

Just when the reader (and the detective) should be more concerned about what is about to fall on him, the story comes to a dot dot dot ending right when the detective finally looks up. He never knew what hit him, and neither do we!  But that’s the beauty of writing like this.  We aren’t supposed to know.  The author focuses the reader’s attention on something else quite trivial that in a regular length novel might not otherwise be brought to light.

The majority of the stories also start with a quick and fun introduction almost reminiscent of a sketch comedy show, or a Hitchcock monologue, even Masterpiece Theater…”a hard hitting expose by Dan Marvin, fiction about fiction by Dan Marvin, an epic saga by Dan Marvin, visionary prophecy from the mind of Dan Marvin.”  The list goes on and on.  Add to this some tongue-in-cheek quotes or comments as footnotes at the end of many of the stories as well.  Here are some of my favorites…

This space left intentionally blank.

Phabricated Philosophy – Time goes quickly when you’re having fun. Therefore, to
live a really long life, you should never have any fun. So stop reading this book
and go eat Brussels sprouts or something.

Fabricated Factoid –
78 – Percentage of travelers in recent poll that thought customer service of major airlines had declined in the last five years.
100 – Percentage of major airlines who would never admit it but think deep down that passengers should just stop whining already.

Rent this space! Your ad here!

Erroneous Excerpt – “’Nevermore’ quoth the Raven, after eating a greasy hamburger, fries, and a chocolate shake all in one sitting.” -Edgar Allen Po’boy

Now, for those of you who may be blushing from all of this bathroom humor, don’t worry. You can read this book anywhere.  Dan even gives you a list of places to try it out…the car wash, the soccer game while your kid is on the bench, the dog park, even the operating table two minutes before your anesthesia kicks in!

Move over Uncle John’s Reader and make room for a new book on top of the tank.  Dan Marvin’s Briefs for the Reading Room is a perfect gift for that quirky uncle always telling jokes, or for that friend whose attention span ends at around 30 seconds, or a book you should just treat yourself to when at the end of the day you want to read something but don’t want to commit to a book that’s too heavy.  I give it 5 star flushes!

Insert predictable bowel movement jokes here.

To preview Briefs for the Reading Room click the Read Now button below:

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